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COLUMBUS

Best Of Sneaky
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(614) 228-7554
Soak up last night's booze with delicious omelettes, breakfast burritos, and sandwiches. Want to add tomatoes and hold the onions? No problem. First Watch is exceedingly accommodating of any request. The coffee is sharp, and the ingredients are fresh. The staff look a little dork-grunge in their short-sleeved plaid shirts, but they seem so genuinely friendly that you'd still invite them over for a cookout. Just prepare to wait 20+ minutes for a table. Seven Columbus locations. Mon-Sun 7-2:30 PM ("Egg" = "Open", "No Egg" = "Closed")
(614) 225-9439
Unchanged for about 30 years, the Char Bar is a rock of dive bar consistency in the trendy Arena District. The pool table, dart boards, and bathroom chalkboards date back at least to the 80's, just like the bartenders themselves. Keep an eye out for Chuck, the bar's apparition-like owner (ever see Phantasm 2?) who appears from the ether every night around midnight. Sure, the smell might make you nostalgic for the days when smoking was legal in Columbus bars, but one long island iced tea will adequately numb your senses. Sliding into a barstool at the Char is like pulling on your favorite jeans, and neither goes out of style.
(614) 888-9073
Woe to he who does not include Bob's Bar...the self-proclaimed cultural hub of the Midwest...in a discussion of Columbus' best beer selection. Bob's boasts over 200 different beers. 200!!! We didn't even know that many beers existed! We know their menu includes Redbridge Gluten Free, but have yet to confirm whether or not they carry Budweiser & Clamato (yes, it exists; look it up). Bob's is a friendly northside neighborhood bar/tavern worthy of your hard-earned cash. Since their happy hour lasts until 8 PM, that cash will last you awhile, too.
(614) 224-7840
Spice is the trendiest of the trendy in Columbus, anchoring the exploding Park Street scene. The loungy front room attracts a young and beautiful crowd while the dance club in the back spins the latest dance tracks. Get there early or expect to wait in line (note: does not apply if you are a group of five hot chicks). Some nights may feel a little like a meat market with scantily-clad ladies and leering guys, but isn't that always the way? Hey, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo partied at Spice when the were in Columbus, so it's good enough for you!
(614) 291-8856
Skully's is one of the most eclectic and fun joints Columbus has to offer. It also suffers from a bit of an identity crisis. Depending on the night you go, Skully's is a lounge, a bar, a diner, a live music hall, or a dance club. Thursdays feature "Ladies 80s," the city's best come-as-you-are dance night. Most weekends and some weeknights, Skully's trots out local, regional, and national acts. Recent big names include Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Walkmen, and Too $hort (real playas like Sneaky know that you spell it with the dollar sign!). Don't hit on the scantily clad blonde cougar that prowls the club, though. That's Skully's wife!
(614) 297-8060
This is a diamond in the rough, my friends. Don't be sketched out by the blacked-out windows because upon entering, you will be greeted by an inviting bar full of like-minded (i.e. thirsty) patrons. So far so good, right? It gets better! Just on the other side of a curved wall is additional seating and four jumbo projection screens. Not only does "The Kinger" host all of the big sporting events, but they throw a pretty good party for hockey, soccer, and auto racing events (easy there, Dick Trickle; we're referring to the open-wheel circuit). The food is fantastic, and you haven't lived unless you've tried their "Irish Joe." Trust us. Sneaky wouldn't lie to you. Sun-Wed 11-midnight / Th-Sat 11-2:30
(614) 443-1570
You are simply not ready for the Thurman Burger. They have a picture of this delicious abomination on their website. I can't tell if that's smart marketing or a deterrent. I guess it depends on whether or not you like your 12 oz. patties topped with ham, mozzarella and american cheeses, lettuce, tomato, mushrooms, sauteed onions, pickle, peppers, and mayo. The less intimidating burgers are also good...but still 12 oz. Not in the mood to punish yourself with beef (I think there's a dirty joke in there somewhere)? Abuse yourself with chicken instead, a la the insanely hot 183,000 BTU wings. At Thurman Cafe, you can show up starved and still leave with a half-pound doggie bag. Did we mention you can play Pac-Man or Galaga while you wait for your table at this quaint quasi-bar? Sneaky approves. Mon-Sat 11p-2:30a / Sun 11a-12a
(614) 228-8366
That smell, my friend, is roasting coffee beans. Cafe' Brioso roasts, grinds, and brews their own coffee right on the premises...and brother, it will put hair on your chest! The Sulawesi is like liquid manna. The lunches are also fantastic. Brioso's lunch menu is comprised of a grand total of six sandwiches, four salads, and three soups...but they're all awesome. It's one of the favorites of Mayor Mike Coleman, and it gets Sneaky's seal of approval, too.
(614) 294-7383
A trip to Basi feels like you're invading someone's house. The restaurant is TINY. If Basi can seat 30 at a time, we'd be shocked. But when you've got a hot date, "tiny" translates to "cozy," and that, dear reader, translates to "amore." It helps that the food is outstanding and the wine list impresses. Basi stands out among all others. Think of it as the Colt 45 of dining experiences. Like Billy Dee says, it works every time. Open M-Th 5-10 / F-Sa 5-11
M
(614) 629-0000
M is the simply-named restaurant and lounge on the first floor of Columbus' swankiest address. Pulling your Kia into the driveway and stopping at the valet station, you'll feel like you're headed into the party scene in "Eyes Wide Shut." The bar area feels like it comes right out of South Beach with its subtly-changing light scheme. M is the crown jewel of Cameron Mitchell's restaurant empire, so rest assured that you and your date will be duly impressed.
(614) 488-2104
Unless you have dined at Sneaky's grandmother's house, you have not had Italian food better than what Trattoria Roma offers. The beef brasciole (meat-covered meat!) and osso bucco are to die for. There isn't much to the Roma's decor, but the service is top-notch. After devouring a hearty meal and slugging down a bottle of chianti, you'll want to break into a rousing chorus of "Funiculi, Funicula." We only ask that you save room for the city's finest tiramisu. Lunch M-F 11-2; Dinner Su-Th 4-9 / Fr-Sa 4-11
(614) 488-7934
Believe it or not, there is a "Columbus-style" pizza! The crust is a bit thicker than New York style, but much thinner than Chicago style and the pie is cut into rectangles. That's just the way it has always been, and Rotolo's is king of Columbus-style pizza. You may get a hernia from lifting the pizza box, as the pie is loaded with mounds of the finest available toppings. Not only is Rotolo's regularly voted the best pizza in Columbus, but Los Angeles magazine recognized them as one of the top 10 pizzas in the nation. Once limited to pickup from their Grandview location (how sneaky!), the proverbial cat is now out of the proverbial bag. Rotolo's has expanded to five locations and added a delivery service, so you have no excuse to not try them. Mo-Th 11-10 / Fr-Sa 11-11 / Su 1-10
(614) 416-2582
It's almost a toss-up between Mitchell's Ocean club and the Columbus Fish Market for best seafood...perhaps because the two restaurants share the same owner. We give the nod to Ocean Club for its slightly more adventurous menu and contemporary dining room. You really CAN get fresh fish in this landlocked city. Apparently the catch o' the day is transported in from the coast via rocket cars or something. Ocean Club will not disappoint, though it ain't cheap, either. If the icthyophobe in your group doesn't want to order from the raw bar, Ocean Club also serves up some top-notch Mitchell's steaks. Are you thinking surf 'n' turf? So are we! Mo-Th 5-10 / Fr 5-11 / Sa 4-11 / Su 4-9
(614) 621-BEEF
Mitchell's is ALL steakhouse, dear reader. We're talking about prime cuts aged 28 days with your choice from six different sauces. The lobster corn bisque is delicious, but you'll also want to save room for their a la carte sides and decadent desserts. Mitchell's offers a New York steakhouse vibe, letting contemporary music fill the spacious venue and complement their impeccable service. Their dirty little secret is that Cameron Mitchell recently sold them off to the Ruth's Chris franchise, but hallelujah - the name, the quality, and some of our favorite servers have been retained. Of the nightly specials, Sneaky recommends Tuesday for the Filet Oscar. Lunch M-F 11:30-2:30; Dinner Mo-Th 5-10 / Fr-Sa 5-11 / Su 5-9
(614) 486-7126
Get ready for the home of the Happy Buddha! We imagine that Buddha is smiling because he fattened himsef up on the best General Tso's chicken in the city. China Dynasty is rare among Chinese restaurants in that dining in is just as desirable as carrying out. This year will almost certainly mark China Dynasty's tenth consecutive year as the city's best Chinese restaurant...and who are we to argue? They have a colossal buffet on Sundays if you really want to fill up. Mo-Th 11-10 / Fr-Sa 11-10:30 / Su 11-9
(614) 485-9490
Shoku rocks the spicy tuna sushi roll like no one else in town. The restaurant is intimate (that's a code word, meaning "the ladies will love it") and they deliver an excellent dining experience. The edamame is delicious, as are the traditional and contemporary entrees that dot the menu. There's always some joker who bangs Shoku's decorative gong en route to the bathroom. Please don't be that guy. The service is not exceptionally fast, so kick back, enjoy your your company, and take comfort in knowing you'll be enjoying some of the best sushi and/or Asian cuisine the city has to offer. M-Th: 11-2, 5-10 Fr: 11-2, 5-11 Sat: 5-11
The Ohio State Buckeyes are consistently one of the greatest teams in college football as evidenced by their BCS Championship appearances in 2002, 2006, and 2007. This is not a recent development, either. You want tradition? Think Woody Hayes, Archie Griffin, Eddie George, Troy Smith, 7 National Championships, college football's only 14-0 record, Script Ohio, and an annual ass-kicking of "that team up north." Ohio State puts the "tail" in tailgating (not entirely sure what that means). If you're not drinking by 9:00 AM on gameday, then you are a dirty Communist and you deserve to be punched in the face like Charlie Bauman (look it up on YouTube) Go Bucks!!!
(614) 461-2663
Taking a cue from modern retreats in New York City, The Lofts is Columbus' swankiest boutique hotel. Each of the 44 rooms are unique, but all feature enormous windows, lofted ceilings, and comfortable, contemporary furniture. The terrycloth robe is plush and you can leave half of your dop kit at home in favor of the complimentary Aveda bathroom products. Check The Lofts' website before booking a reservation since they always have several packages available. You don't need to be an out-of-towner to enjoy The Lofts; its Big Apple vibe is also ideal for an in-town getaway.
"Ooh! Aah!" That is the standard expression of first-time visitors to Sugar. This is the dance club that brings all the cool kids to the yard. True to its name, the club, barkeeps, and dancers are sweet and stylish. Patrons come dressed to impress as well, decked out in copious amounts of hair gel and Wonderbras. The music is bumpin' and the dancefloor is full by 11 on Friday and Saturday night. It helps that some of the world's best DJs (George Acosta, Benny Benassi, etc.) have been known to spin here. Thou art encouraged to arrive early if you want to avoid waiting in line...or enter through the more casual Park Street Patio next door.